Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
there was a trapeze. enough said
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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