Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
