i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
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