i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
