so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
