Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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