I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
