So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
