Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
