fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we made out on top of his cat.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
