After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
