My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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