Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
