i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
