Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
