dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
