Your tits are I can't wait for
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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