I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
