Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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