guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
