We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
