You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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