shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
