So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
