Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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