The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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