Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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