I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
