Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
