Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
