i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
