Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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