it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
