bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Randomize
