She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
