Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
