You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
