whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
