The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
