He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
