I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Drunk is not a location!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
