if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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