don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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