The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
