70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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