my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
