Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
