Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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