drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
