This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
