actually, I'm a sock model
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
