im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
