I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
