stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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