She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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