I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
