I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
