Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
